So, it was always my intention to write this post today. There has been a fair bit of buzz about it on the internet in the past month or so, and I wanted to chime in anyway, That being said, I’ve had a bit of a rough go, especially this past weekend, which makes this post even more poignant.
While I was in Bali, I did my best to eat as well as I could, considering that I was far from home, the foods were different, and not everything was safe. I felt good about my choices, and figured I would continue with my healthy lifestyle when I got home. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I didn’t have a chance to plan my meals. I bobbed along and made do with what I had in the cupboards, eating pretty well, indulging just a bit more than I should.
Then, last Thursday happened. I read a triggering blog. I am also taking responsibility for my own actions, and I can’t blame the blog, but I know that was what started it. I compulsively ate everything in sight, and could not stop myself. It made me feel nauseated, headache-y, lethargic, you name it. But I couldn’t stop eating.
I have worked really hard to heal my relationship with food and with my body. I do plan my meals, but I don’t restrict myself from something if I really want it, and if I feel hungry outside of my planned meals, I eat. I try really hard not to deprive myself, so I don’t know where this came from.
Anyway, I was frustrated with my lack of “self-control” and I didn’t know how to get out of this spiral of not feeling well, so not working out, so eating poorly, etc. I was also conscious of the risks of going too far in the direction of healthy eating, restricting myself too much, causing a binge later on down the road.
Of course, this past weekend happened to be Canadian Thanksgiving, which is not the ideal time to try to get a handle on problematic eating habits. We had a lot of healthy foods on the menu, which helped. I still overdid it and didn’t feel all that well, but it could have been worse.
In fact, “It could have been worse” has been my motto for this binge. I was overeating, and not feeling great, but I was able to stop myself eventually, where I might not have before.
I took Tina’s example and recommitted myself to a better lifestyle. I got a lot of food prep done, and set myself up for success. I forced myself to struggle through that first run back, and it wasn’t nearly as painful as I expected (dreaded). And I reminded myself that people recover from much worse setbacks than mine.
At the moment, I don’t look or feel the way I want to. It is going to take time and energy to get back there, but I know I will. A slip off the wagon is not the end of the world. It happens to everyone. The hardest part is climbing back on the wagon, and getting back into the routine.
Clearly, I still need to work on finding balance, but I know I am getting closer all the time, and each slip makes me stronger.